The secret to a great 1:1

From my own experience, I remember that the best 1:1’s I had with my leader were those where I walked away feeling energized, because new ideas had popped up. Recognized, because appreciation was shared about my work. Clear, because I knew what I wanted to do next. And connected to a purpose, because I was reminded why my work mattered.

Right now, I do not lead a team. But every week, I do voluntary work in a local primary school.

Children from 3rd and 4th grade (8–9 years old) come to see me while I support them in their reading skills. Each week, when the teacher asks who wants to come, all hands go up. They like it. They want to come and read to me.

And typically, at the end, they hop back to their class to call the next one, full of energy and happiness.

So I started wondering: why is that? What makes them walk away with such a positive feeling?

I drilled it down to a few simple observations:

• I sit there fully relaxed, with genuine curiosity about how they are doing.
• I give them my undivided attention: no phone, no laptop – just being there for them. They are truly the center of my attention.
• The first minute, I ask how they are: how was their test last week, how was their weekend or holiday… They love sharing that.
• Then, for the next 3 to 4 minutes, they read a few paragraphs with full concentration. I actively listen, I correct when needed, and I explain new or difficult words.
• Once they are done, I express appreciation for their effort. I congratulate them genuinely when it went really well. And I tell them I look forward to seeing them again next week.
• Out of the 5 minutes they were with me, they talked 4 minutes, and I talked max 1 minute.

And then… they frisk away (I admit I looked up this verb, in Dutch we call it ” huppelen”).

So how does this relate to the workplace, and to the relationship between a leader and their team members?

Honestly, these observations are no rocket science. And they count for both children and adults.

As a leader, if you don’t have the space to give your employee your undivided attention, then don’t have the one-to-one.

And a one-to-one doesn’t need to last one hour. If you can commit to a dedicated 25 or 30 minutes, that is far more valuable than spending an hour while checking emails, responding to messages, or taking an urgent call halfway through.

And remember: ensure your employee gets the opportunity to talk 80% of the time, while you focus on listening, asking questions, sharing guidance, and offering appreciation when it is due.

Pretty simple.

But still, it remains a skill that many leaders need to further develop.